Total Abandonment

"You either belong wholly to the world or wholly to God."               
-Saint John Vianney 

       How dearly do you love Jesus? What would you give up for Him? How far would you go to show Him that you love Him?

       Recent life events have made me realize more than ever how little I am in control. Despite extensive precautions, I still get sick. I bare my heart and it gets broken. I try my best yet I fail. Still somehow, I have managed to hold on to my unrealistic ideals, my plans, my expectations. And when I have tried to discern God's will, what a difficult time I have had! Not because God is silent, but because I cannot let go of what I want. And I cannot let go because I cannot trust that what God has in store is what is best.

       What a hypocrite I am! I preach about God's unfailing love, His perfect plan for our lives, His endless mercy. Yet, when it comes to giving Him my vocation, my future, I have hesitated. I have been afraid. I have been afraid of surrendering my desires because I fear I will be unhappy. The image of a doting lover who desires great things for his beloved is replaced with an image of a thief who robs his victims of happiness. How far this is from the truth, yet how my heart has struggled to see past my fears and into the Sacred Heart!

"To love God as He ought to be loved, we must be detached from all temporal love. We must love nothing but Him, or if we love anything else, we must love it only for His sake."

-Saint Peter Claver

       One of my greatest prayers of late is to desire what Jesus desires- for my heart to be so united with His that they share one heartbeat. I want to desire only His plan. I want to show Him how deeply I love Him by giving Him my love through giving Him my life. Yet, desire alone is not enough. Sacrifices must be made. A true lover must be willing to give up his life for his beloved. 

       Jesus gave everything He was to us- He could have given nothing more. And because we are priceless treasures to Him, He wants to have all of us. When He looks upon us, He sees more of us than we see in ourselves. Even after recognizing the sin, the selfishness, the brokenness, He thirsts for you! 

        You see, the crucifixion is like a wedding vow. Jesus gave His total self out of love for you- for better or for worse. His vulnerability and complete gift of self are freely given; His love and commitment eternal. Tenderly he invites you into communion with Him.

The Invitation of Jesus 

       From the cross, Jesus beckons to you. His arms are spread wide to receive your embrace. Will you throw away whatever you are carrying to wrap your arms around Him and kiss the face that has suffered so much for love of you? Will you console the purest heart that has endured unfathomable rejection? Listen to Him speak to you as you stand at the foot of the cross. 

My Beloved,

How it delights my heart to have you come to me. I have been waiting patiently for you. Look at my bleeding wounds. Look into my eyes and see how it pains to me to love so deeply and yet be so rejected. My heart bleeds for love of you. How I love you, my greatest treasure! Surrender to my love. Allow yourself to be consumed with love. Abandon yourself to my love. Surrender to me all that you are and I will fill you with my Holy Spirit. I have chosen you, my beloved. You are priceless and precious to me. I love you.

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"Jesus Christ, Lord of all things! You see my heart, you know my desires. Possess all that I am - you alone." -Saint Agatha 

       I have learned that if I desire to belong fully to the Lord, I must abandon myself completely to Him. I must entrust to Him my dreams, my burdens, my guilt, my relationships, my fears- everything I cling to. It is only when I release them that I am able to receive more of Him. Nothing you give to Jesus will be in vain. True freedom comes in surrender, in letting go. Not only does it make you free, but it is a powerful act of love.

       Jesus is the perfect example of how abandoning yourself to God is difficult, painful, and requires great trust. It empties you of everything in order to be filled with God Himself!

       So many times we choose ourselves over Jesus. Yet every time we come running back, He is waiting for us, Him arms outstretched and ready to embrace us!

ACT OF CONSECRATION TO THE SACRED HEART OF JESUS

       TO You, most sacred Heart of Jesus, I devote my life. To You I consecrate all my thoughts, words, actions, and sufferings. My whole being shall be employed henceforth in loving, serving, and glorifying You. Be Thou, most blessed and adorable Heart, the sole object of my love, the protector of my life, the pledge of my salvation, and my secure refuge at the hour of my death. Be Thou my advocate at the throne of Divine Justice, and screen me from the wrath which my sins deserve.

      I trust entirely in your mercy. I place all my confidence in You. Destroy in me all that is displeasing to You. Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like unto Thine. Imprint Thyself like a seal upon my heart in order that I may never be separated from You. May I be a victim forever consecrated to your glory - ever burning with the flames of your pure love in time and for eternity. This is my whole desire - to live, in You: This shall be my happiness, to live and die as your devoted servant. Sweet Heart of Jesus, I implore that I may love You more and more. Amen.

        

The Kiss of Jesus

   “Pain and suffering have come into your life, but remember pain, sorrow, suffering are but the kiss of Jesus - a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you." ~ Mother Teresa


       The first time I read this quote, I couldn't understand it. Suffering is purifying- yes. It leads us to the cross; it molds our character; it teaches us compassion. But experiencing "the kiss of Jesus"? Isn't that going a little too far?

       This past year has involved more suffering than all my other 21 years combined. I will not delve too deeply into the details because this post is not about me or my journey. Rather, it is about revelations given by Jesus and through the saints concerning suffering...revelations meant to encourage you in your trials, to remind you of the burning love of God for you, even in great pain, to give you a passion to suffer for and in love.

       Since February 2015, I have been horribly sick. I had to leave the school of my dreams because my health was so bad. Bedridden for a month, I had returned home, once again becoming completely dependent on my parents to provide and take care of me. But the most difficult part of the suffering was breaking up with my boyfriend of two years. My heart and my body were wrecked and there were days I honestly wished I wasn't alive. I was broken. I was bleeding. And I felt Jesus has abandoned me in the darkness.

      Because I believed Jesus had left me to suffer alone, I was too disheartened to pray. Did He not see me in pain? Did my health not matter to Him? How could He love me and yet take so much away? It was as if my life had been emptied of all the blessings and I was left with nothing but misery. Angry, feeling rejected and forgotten, I stayed in the darkness.

       Then, for a while, I accepted the strength to hope. I became filled with joy at the opportunity to enter into suffering with Jesus. Surely God was working in more ways than I could begin to imagine!

       But two weeks ago, I again fell into despair. And again, I avoided intimate time with Jesus because I felt abandoned by him. Finally, I broke out in tears of shame while driving to a doctor's appointment. Jesus, I am so sorry! I am a terrible lover. I have failed you! I have hurt you! How unfaithful I have been. I don't deserve you. I am so weak- I cannot be strong enough. I am being crushed, Jesus! Please bear the weight with me!

        Over and over again, I told Jesus I was sorry, worried that He was disappointed in me. How many times I had failed Him! And then He spoke....


       Jesus Speaks


       When Jesus spoke, there was no reprimand. No sternness. Only great love and tenderness.


"I love being your Savior."


Let those words permeate into your soul. Believe them.


       Jesus went on to reveal that although He struggles to see us fall, He loves to help us up. He loves being the one to save us, to set us free. You are not a burden to Him. Jesus loves saving you! He never tires of coming to your rescue! How His heart delights coming to the aid of one of His little ones.

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Suffering Leads us into Deeper Intimacy with Jesus


       Back to the quote from Mother Teresa about experiencing the "kiss of Jesus" in suffering.

       The most intimate relationships we have are with people with whom we have experienced the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. You know someone really loves you when they see you at your worst and love and accept you without hesitation. It is through those moments of pain that we see one another bare, broken, with everything stripped away. And what a treasure it is to see the beauty of another soul in its most vulnerable state!

       When we invite Jesus into our suffering, we allow him into our hearts in its most vulnerable state. He is the true friend, faithful lover who goes through the agony with us- fully understanding, even feeling our anguish, our pain. Through suffering, we cling to Him, completely aware of our weakness, of our inability to continue without Him. We hunger for His embrace, His consolation, His presence in our misery. We truly feel a need for Him. And when He holds us, when he tells us how precious we are to Him and how dear we are to His heart, we feel a closeness- an intimacy- with Him powerful beyond words. That closeness is like a kiss- powerful, involving an intimate act of love.

       Suffering makes us more dependent on Jesus. The experience of suffering with Him creates a powerful bond and intimate relationship. We taste of Jesus' compassion. We enter through trials with Him and we come out stronger than before we had them. There have been so many times during this period of suffering when all I have needed was for Jesus to hold me and tell me He loves me. And faithfully, He continues to be my comfort.


"If God sends you many sufferings, it is a sign that He has great plans for you and certainly wants to make you a saint." ~ St. Ignatius Loyola



       When we truly desire holiness, we learn to embrace suffering. God has answered so many of my prayers through the pain. He has made my heart more compassionate. He has taken away my "crutches" so that I have come to fully rely on Him.

       All of the saints endured suffering. Each saint and his/her capacity for suffering was different, but every one of them invited Jesus into their suffering. They saw suffering as an opportunity to grow in love, in virtue and they were able to persevere out of love for the Beloved and for the conversion of sinners. To them, suffering was an invitation to become more united with Christ and His Passion.

       I am not a saint. I cannot suffer perfectly. And I have learned to accept my weaknesses, my failures. Even though the journey has been agonizing, I have become so grateful for it! I have experienced the presence and love of Jesus more powerfully than ever before.


"Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances, give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus." ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18


       There have been many times when I have begged for Jesus to take away the pain. In tears, I have pleaded for an end. In His mercy, Jesus assures me that it will not last forever and that it will be over soon. But He also shows me that this is a time of great purification. He is answering prayers through this affliction; I am growing in virtue and in trust. Petitions are being granted through my intercession.


       Thank Jesus for your suffering. This is your path to sanctity! This is the crucifixion that will lead you into the resurrection! This is your calling to love! Right now, Jesus is loving you, calling you to Him, beckoning you into deeper holiness!

     I still have good days and bad days. I laugh. I cry. But through it all, I trust. I know and I believe our God is a God who loves His children and gives them good gifts. Sometimes we just don't recognize the blessings in the gifts because they are not what we expect.


       Brothers and sisters, know of my prayers for you- for grace, openness to the Holy Spirit, submissiveness to the will of our Heavenly Father. May Jesus bless and keep you and send His holy angels to protect you! May our Blessed Mother intercede for you and lead you ever deeper into the love of her Son!


Inspiring Quotes of the Saints on Suffering

"In the same way that a powerful medicine cures an illness, so illness itself is a medicine to cure passion. And there is much profit of soul in bearing illness quietly and giving thanks to God." - St. Amma Syncletice

"If only mortals would learn how great it is to possess divine grace, how beautiful, how noble, how precious. How many riches it hides within itself, how many joys and delights! No one would complain about his cross or about troubles that may happen to him, if he would come to know the scales on which they are weighed when they are distributed to men." - St. Rose of Lima

"Trials and tribulations offer us a chance to make reparation for our past faults and sins. On such occasions the Lord comes to us like a physician to heal the wounds left by our sins. Tribulation is the divine medicine." -St. Augustine of Hippo

"We are at Jesus' disposal. If he wants you to be sick in bed, if he wants you to proclaim His work in the street, if he wants you to clean the toilets all day, that's all right, everything is all right. We must say, 'I belong to you. You can do whatever you like.' And this ..is our strength, and this is the joy of the Lord." -
Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta

"He who wants to win the world for Christ must have the courage to come in conflict with it." - Blessed Titus Brandsma

"Jesus who cannot suffer long to keep you in affliction will come to relieve and comfort you by infusing fresh courage into your soul." - St. Padre Pio of Pietrelcina

"The longer the trial to which God subjects you, the greater the goodness in comforting you during the time of trial and in the exaltation after the combat." - St. Padre Pio of Pietrelcina