The past few weeks have been hell. So much pain. So much suffering. And yes, there was despair. Deep, lonely, inconsolable despair. It felt as if a boulder weighed down upon my heart, slowly crushing the life out of it. I pleaded with Jesus for an end.
Will I ever be free? Can I ever live a normal life again? For over a year, I have poured my heart and soul in pursuing healing! Why is it that I feel more broken than ever? I just want the tears to end. I want to know what it's like to be happy again.
I felt so broken that I didn't know how to pray. Day after day was like being stuck in a filthy, dark prison that was impossible to break free from. It took every ounce strength to summon the words, "Jesus, I trust in You." Even then my heart couldn't believe. Deeper and deeper I sank.
I couldn't understand why. Hadn't I endured enough suffering? All I felt was discouragement. I am weak. I will never be the woman I was created to be. There's no use in trying. I can never truly change.
I couldn't understand why. Hadn't I endured enough suffering? All I felt was discouragement. I am weak. I will never be the woman I was created to be. There's no use in trying. I can never truly change.
These are all lies, brothers and sisters. I stand now in the light of truth and rebuke those lies in the name of Jesus. Because growth cannot come without pain. And to be healed, one has to suffer, deeply suffer, everything that they have tried to forget, everything that they have pushed away. Because as one grows, one learns to accept truth. And the truth is something we often do not want to acknowledge.
How much of our lives have we lived in denial? How truly are we really able to see our circumstances and the people around us? How many of us come from broken families? How many of us have suffered from abandonment? With alcoholism or an alcoholic family member? With abuse? So many of us do, yet we all struggle to accept this reality. Because facing this reality means feeling. It means feeling the loss of the time wasted in an imaginary world. It means allowing the harsh feelings of abandonment, addiction, and abuse to penetrate our very hearts. It means grieving the family we never had, the nurturing we never received. It means grieving the death of a life that felt so real but that never existed. And those feelings can be so painful there are times when it feels like they will break you. How tempting it is to want to return to blissful ignorance!
To seek healing is to be courageous. It is easier to live a life of denial than it is to embrace reality and allow it to change our hearts. Jesus wants you to be healed because true freedom cannot come without healing. Do not be afraid to suffer. Do not be discouraged as the waves of pain come. He will give you the strength and he will calm the seas.
How much of our lives have we lived in denial? How truly are we really able to see our circumstances and the people around us? How many of us come from broken families? How many of us have suffered from abandonment? With alcoholism or an alcoholic family member? With abuse? So many of us do, yet we all struggle to accept this reality. Because facing this reality means feeling. It means feeling the loss of the time wasted in an imaginary world. It means allowing the harsh feelings of abandonment, addiction, and abuse to penetrate our very hearts. It means grieving the family we never had, the nurturing we never received. It means grieving the death of a life that felt so real but that never existed. And those feelings can be so painful there are times when it feels like they will break you. How tempting it is to want to return to blissful ignorance!
"Brothers and sisters:
For freedom Christ set us free;
so stand firm and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery."
~ Galatians 5:1
~ Galatians 5:1
To seek healing is to be courageous. It is easier to live a life of denial than it is to embrace reality and allow it to change our hearts. Jesus wants you to be healed because true freedom cannot come without healing. Do not be afraid to suffer. Do not be discouraged as the waves of pain come. He will give you the strength and he will calm the seas.
My child,
Your cries are heard by me. My beloved child, how I love you. I have not left your side, not once.I know your pain. I am here to console you. Let me wrap my arms around you. Let me hold you as you shake with tears. I am here. You are not alone. Let me suffer with you. Don't push me away. My heart longs to be your refuge. Run into my heart, beloved. Nothing can happen to you when you seek refuge within my heart.
Your cries are heard by me. My beloved child, how I love you. I have not left your side, not once.I know your pain. I am here to console you. Let me wrap my arms around you. Let me hold you as you shake with tears. I am here. You are not alone. Let me suffer with you. Don't push me away. My heart longs to be your refuge. Run into my heart, beloved. Nothing can happen to you when you seek refuge within my heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment